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The Weird Day My Inspiration Returned

I was headed to my first therapy appointment. Nervous and anxious, but also a little excited. Maybe soon I’ll figure myself out.

I wandered through this strange building, unchanged since the 1980s, with a weird silence that filled the walls and narrow hallways, which were dimly lit by fluorescent light.

I didn’t dare take the elevator, in a building as strange as this.

Only three floors up.

The stairs were fine.

The building smelled old. No one else was around.

The door was so nondescript I nearly missed it. Just a brown door against a brown wall.  I went inside.

Filled out paper work, then sat and waited.

The fluorescent lights continued to hum and flicker above me, but the tiny waiting room was otherwise silent. I was the only one in there. Through the walls I heard faint conversations.

This place is supposed to help people feel better, but the atmosphere does the opposite.

Except for me. I like strange places like this, that feel like an altered reality. My nervousness disappeared and I quickly wrote down my thoughts.

My inspiration was coming back.

After being missing for so long. This was a feeling I’d almost forgotten about.   Maybe its return had something to do with 200 mg of Zoloft I had just been increased to the day before.

I’ve always wanted to capture certain strange feelings, and atmospheres.  I can take the photographs, but have never been able to put it into words. Something is blocking it.

But maybe now the block is falling away.

I want to record my life, not just the good parts, but all the parts. I love sharing pictures, but I don’t just want to dump a bunch of pretty pictures on a page with generic predictable words.

I want to capture what that day was like.

I feel like I’m finally starting to wake up, after being away for a long time, and I am excited to see what happens next.


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Weekly Journal- Goodbye Bathroom

Chester says goodbye to one of his favorite places to hang out, as this sink, and the rest of the bathroom, are about to be demolished completely. The process is supposed to take two weeks to complete.  And hopefully Chester likes the new sink just fine.

I moved to a new, and slightly larger desk at work, and gained a few more windows. I also finally obtained a second monitor, making my transition to a senior position complete. There had been quite a few depressed days at work recently, but luckily by the end of last week I was feeling a lot better. Hopefully it continues!

The fish tank is slowly filling up. I added some of my favorite fish, cory catfish, but they were apparently sick from the pet store because a lot of them didn’t make it.. Coming home from work three days in a row to find another cute fish dead didn’t do anything to help my sadness. But all the remaining fish seem healthy, now just to find them some friends to replace the ones now resting in my flower garden.

Well, the bathroom is getting destroyed this week. We have another bathroom, but that’s currently the one the cats use, and we have never used it before so that will be interesting.  It also doesn’t have a shower.  Luckily my mom lives just up the road!

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Weekly Journal- Flowers and Stroganoff

The aquarium still isn’t ready for fish yet, but it should be any day now. I added a few new plants, as well as an airstone that produces very tiny bubbles.  This is now one of my favorite corners of the tank.

Some flowers have begun to appear this week. A reassurance that spring is one the way.

I had an odd craving for a mushroom-y onion-y sauce last week.  Odd because I don’t really like mushrooms. Turns out I was craving stroganoff so I made a veggie version which turned out great.


Hopefully this week brings fish and more good food.

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Weekly Journal- Fruit, Ice and Fish Tank

 Everyone was thoroughly entertained by the wild array of fruit I brought for some birthdays at work, instead of the usual cake or dessert since many are avoiding junk food right now.

The forecast had briefly predicted snow, but all that happened was a bit of ice. Too bad.
The much anticipated fish tank has been up and running for a week now!  So far a family of snails have hitched a ride on some of the plants and made themselves at home.  I’m glad to have something to watch while I wait for the right water parameters to be able to add fish.
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Weekly Journal: Halloween Crazies

My medicine seems to be helping a lot, although there are still some sad days and some stressed days.  Taking walks is always a great way to feel better though. Especially during this time of year!

I continued to work on my costume all week and ended up having to finish it a day earlier than planned since the date of the Halloween party downtown we were going to got changed. But despite being rushed, my jacket turned out pretty great!

I was relieved to see the cross I had ordered which was shipping from Ukraine was supposed to be delivered that day. However, when I got home all that was waiting for me in the mailbox was a note saying it couldn’t be delivered because I wasn’t there to sign for it. Boo!  But then after being disappointed for a few minutes, I somehow became crazy enough to venture out into the rain, in search of the mailman.  I found his truck on the next street over but no sight of him. I waited in my car, rain pouring down, feeling really creepy.  The longer I waited the crazier I felt. I was just about to race away when I finally saw the mailman! I ran out in the rain and he eventually gave me my battered package which had somehow ripped open. He then accidentally dropped it into a puddle.  But luckily the cross was safe in a zip lock bag!

I still can’t believe I stalked the Mailman.

It’s been a crazy Halloween filled few days!

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Weekly Journal: A Better Week

This week didn’t start off any better than the painfully tedious week before. By Tuesday morning I was feeling pretty over everything. However, things took a nice turn mid week when I got the news that I was promoted to the senior position at work I have been hoping to get for a while!  Things continued to get even better when I got prescribed Zoloft at my doctor appointment. That night I slept better than I ever had, and for the first time ever woke up with so much energy. At 6:30 AM! I am already feeling a lot better and less anxious, hopefully this continues.

Another exciting work event was a surprise hurricane which caused all our windows too leak. It started with one leak, and then more and more kept appearing, sometimes streams of water would pour right in! Everyone kept stopping by to see our new water features. It was a ridiculous time.

Saturday was spent running around to stores with my mom and sister getting ready for Halloween. I decided on a rather last minute costume idea, that involves digging out my sewing machine again, so that will be keeping me busy.

I’m looking forward to the weeks ahead. The heat wave of 80-90 degree weather has finally left, and has been replaced with more appropriate 60 degree weather.


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Weekly Journal- The week that lasted forever.

I’ve been seeing a lot of butterflies lately.

This meme really spoke to me this week. It accurately sums up how I felt all week at work. This week was so long in fact, that on Thursday I was thinking back to what I thought was a meeting on Tuesday the week before, but it turns out the meeting was actually on the Tuesday just two days ago. I couldn’t believe it. It felt like an entire week had gone by in those two days.

One exciting thing that happened though was when I came home to all these cool vacuum attachments I had ordered. I love all kinds of cleaning supplies.

I did manage to eat pretty healthy this whole week, so that’s nice.

During this week of weirdness I somehow managed to call the doctor and make an appointment for the checkup I’ve been needing since May.

Hopefully this next week is more normal!

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Weekly Journal: Beach, Mountains and the Hospital

We spent a week at my favorite beach.  It was a lot of fun, but for some reason not quite as fun as past trips have been.  Nothing was particularly wrong, but I guess every trip can’t be the best ever. Right after our return, we had to go spend a weekend in Asheville to help out some family members. We got to stay at an Aunt’s mountain house with a lovely back porch view and her cute cat.

The weekend in the mountains was really peaceful and relaxing, and Asheville is a fun city to explore. We decided we should go more often.

My wrist is still messed up from work. I work for a giant hospital but in a separate building a few miles away, and each week I get to wander around the maze of the main hospital to get my wrist looked at.  I really had to resist the urge to buy myself this whale balloon while waiting for my prescription one day.

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Weekly Journal: Ouch

My Venus Fly Trap, hanging out in the window at work, watching the rain that’s been here for so many days. It was a strange work week, with lots of unnecessary drama that I have been trying to avoid, and other strange news which had me feeling irate.

Some difficult study at work caused me to injure my wrist, so I used a rubber band to secure this cold pack, while I attempt to use my left hand to do things.

The rain finally stopped in time for the weekend so we have been spending plenty of time outdoors.

In one week I’ll be at the beach! I can hardly wait!

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Weekly Journal: Desk Jungle

My Spider Plant at work has been making babies like crazy, and now it’s babies are making babies. My desk is on it’s way to becoming a jungle.  Pictured to the left is a coworker threatening to cut them all off, to avoid said jungle from forming.

Usually my work lunches consist of whatever food items I can manage to shove in my bag in the last 10 seconds before I go out the door. This week however  I managed to make a pretty great sandwich three days in a row. Unfortunately I didn’t notice the cat hair until now 🙁

Saturday consisted of exploring a few favorite antique stores.

Overall it was a pretty OK week.  I finally started exercising again for the first time since things got out of wack a while ago. It feels like I am starting all over again from scratch, but I am hoping my muscles will quickly remember what they used to be able to do.